Despair and Frustration

WARNING: This is one of those posts that may bring about tears and whilst I have some writing this, I know that there will be more to come. So why write it I hear you say, well I think it is important for carers to realise that they are not alone when they feel this way and that by bottling these feelings up, it will only make things worse. A column that I subscribe to, written by Kellie Mcrae (The Hurricane in Heels), set me off on my blog, she suggested doing one but keeping it private as it can be therapeutic, I thought that was a great idea, but then I looked for other carer blogs and couldn’t find any, so decided to make it public.

So here we go, hankies at the ready;

Oh yeah the title says it all, carers beware, this will strike at anytime and there is nothing you can do about it, you love the person you care for and you want to be strong for them 365 days a year, well it ain’t gonna happen.

You are going to have off days and that is okay, with Lupus its effects are far reaching, the sufferer, the carer, the family, the friends and on and on and on.

So, you may ask, what bought on this “boohoo poor me moment”, well as the title suggests, I am frustrated and despair that I cannot help my wife. That I don’t have the skills necessary to help her get beyond where she is at the moment.

As a carer, you are going to hear things like, “oh I am going to do such and such a thing today”, only to find that it never happens and this will feel like a daily occurrence, and whilst you know it is the Lupus preventing your partner from progressing, you start to doubt it, you start to think “is it too easy to just say it is the lupus”, “am I being too harsh”, these feelings are natural, remember Lupus is a bitch!

There will be glimmers of hope, when you are told, “I am going to make the effort to turn my life around” and it is said with determination, but after a while of hearing the same old thing and nothing has changed you get to the stage where you just nod and smile and try to sound positive because, despite everything else, you still LOVE them.

So what do I have to look forward to you may ask yourself, the answer is simple……………..

Tomorrow is a new day and you never know what it will bring, so embrace each day as it comes, and keep loving the wolf in your home.

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